I remember early in my career when a coworker of mine named Heather leaned on my desk with an amusing smirk on her face. Heather was very bright, spoke four languages, and her star was definitely on the rise.
“What’s with the grin,” I asked.
“It’s so cute,” she said. “My little niece just called me and the poor baby was on the verge of tears. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she was feeling overwhelmed and was just having a bad day! Isn’t that adorable?”
I am pretty sure my response was “Um.”
“Overwhelmed? She’s only six!”
I don’t claim to be a child psychologist nor is it a competition, but it definitely appeared that I possessed more compassion for Heather’s niece than she did.
“Was someone mean to her on the playground? Did she forget her lunch? Are her shoes rubbing against her heels? Because I am pretty sure a bad day is in the eye of the beholder, even for a kindergartner.”
I can’t recall how the conversation ended, but I do remember being a little thrown by my coworker’s lack of empathy.
Then last week I was at the gym before the crack of dawn, as I regularly like to get in a workout before starting my busy day. I noticed a teenage girl by the kettlebells. She appeared to be a volleyball player and she too was up early working with a trainer. I noted how strong, poised, and dedicated she appeared. It just seemed to me that this young lady was going places and I was impressed.
Then I heard the trainer ask her, “So how’s school going?”
I was a little surprised when the teen pretty loudly started to rant at the trainer, “Oh my gosh! I am just totally feeling overwhelmed right now. I have two essays due on Friday and an American Lit test I haven’t even studied for. I have practice until like 6pm every night. Matches on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I want to get my driver’s license I have no time to practice driving. Then I train with you at three hours a week!”
It almost felt a little melodramatic, to be honest. Can things really be that bad, I wondered.
But felt it was odd that the volleyball player had seemed to me as if she had the world at her feet, and yet she felt her situation was overwhelming. Then I thought way back to my friend Heather and realized I had made the same assumptions about the volleyball player that Heather had about her niece all those years earlier. Why are we so ready to dismiss the validity of people feeling overwhelmed?
I was then headed to my car in the parking lot after my workout when I received a text from my wonderful friend, Kim. “Sorry, Blair. Going 2 have 2 postpone lunch today. Putting out fires at office. Eek. Talk 2 u later.”
My kneejerk reaction was that my friend was being a little dramatic. Either way, rescheduling was no big deal. I texted back, “No worries. Everything ok?”
Kim’s response? You guessed it! She texted, “Just feeling overwhelmed!”
How could this not be a sign that the universe was trying to teach me something very important that morning. I realized right then and there that how we feel in the throws of our own dynamic and how other people perceive it can be two very different things. I sat there in my car staring at my phone working through my thoughts. Nobody really knows what anyone else is going through, even those people to whom we are close or who seem to have it all. It was really a powerful moment for me.
Then I dashed home to get showered and ready for my 8am TAB Board meeting.
As a TAB business coach and facilitator, I have the privilege of regularly sitting at the board table with an amazing group of business owners, all of whom have countless balls in the air trying to run and grow their businesses – not to mention creating robust family lives. Similar to little Claire or the overbooked volleyball player or my friend Kim, I certain these TAB board members often feel overwhelmed by the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to run and grow their businesses.
But the amazing thing is that you would never know it.
I sat in the board meeting that morning I quietly observed each TAB member seated at the table. I know some of these small business owners also had fires to put out, some were going to skip lunch, and others were strategizing time management so they could squeeze more into their days. They were all so engaged and involved and kinetic. But not one of them seemed overwhelmed.
Regardless of what was going in their demanding schedules, these TAB board members were a group of smart, compassionate business owners who were joyful, eager, and ready to work on their businesses. And I was in awe.
